Vokman's Wrath
by RevvEmUp
Summary: Set right after my Landfall story, so 5E 4.5. After returning from exploring a Dwemer ruin, Drake starts to sleep but is captured by a mysterious figure. How will he get out of this?


Drake is taken inside a limousine where the sack is removed before someone places a circlet on his head and binds his hands in zip ties. "Okay, who… hey I can hear myself think! Drake said telepathically in his own voice. "Well, well, well… Who do we have here?" a shadowy figure said threateningly from the seat across Drake's. "A guy who blew up an entire lab for a prank, that's who!" Drake laughed as the driver snickers. "Shut up! You're not paid to laugh. So now drive!" the mysterious figure scolded.

"So, what did you get into this time, Conrad?" Drake asked condescendingly. "You ruined my evil moment!" Conrad whined before he switches on the lights to reveal a young Imperial with brown, curly hair. "So, what's this 'evil' thing about?" Drake asked. "I joined the Vokmans. The oldest and most powerful gang in Tamriel." Conrad answered. "So, how did you do it?" Drake asked.

"I killed their Skyrim boss in a duel. He did some fancy sword swinging with his bound swords, and then I shot him with a gun. Never bring a sword to a gunfight." Conrad answered. "I bring a sword to a gunfight all the time. I am a Nord, after all." Drake commented. "Now, what did you say you wanted with me?" Drake asked. "I need to get rid of you; the most powerful person in Tamriel." Conrad answered. "Aw, you're making me blush. You won't and can't get away with this. And when I get out of this, you're gonna experience something worse than imprisonment." Drake threatened.

"And what's that?" Conrad asked. "Two words: Aunt Marie." Drake replied. "You wouldn't dare!" Conrad exclaimed. "Oh, I will." Drake threatened once more. "Dummy, put the sack on his head." Conrad commanded to the kidnapper: an animate mannequin.

It covers Drake's head with the sack as he telepathically screams in horror. As the limousine drives on a busy overpass, Drake is still telepathically screaming. "Can you remove the circlet?!" Conrad commanded loudly to Dummy. It removes the sack and then head-butted by Drake. He kicks the door open and escapes.

"After him!" Conrad commanded. Dummy chases after Drake as Conrad closes the door. "Driver, continue your route." Conrad commanded. "Yes, boss." the driver replied. Drake runs into the forest and happens to bump into Marcus, wearing novice robes of conjuration. "Captain, what happened? Why you have zip ties on your wrists?" asked Marcus.

"Cousin Conrad's taken control of the Skyrim's Vokman and he's trying to kill me! Why are you wandering around the forest in the middle of the night?" Drake asked. "That's a telepathic circlet! Where did you get that?" "You explain first." "Well, I just like to uhh… get firewood for my… fireplace." the two exchanged. "Hey, engie, we need some backup!" an Argonian voice from within the forest requested. "Are you, live-action roleplaying? Marcus, you have a job that's exactly like this, and two real robots! Now, can you get rid of these bindings, please?" Drake asked.

"Okay, guys I'll catch up!" Marcus shouted to his group before throwing a crude cardboard cut-out of a Dwarven spider. Marcus cuts the zip ties with a pair of scissors and unties the cloth gag. "Let's get out of here!" Drake exclaimed before they run into the forest. "Was that the Dragonborn?" wondered an Argonian man wearing plastic replica glass armour. "Sure looks like it." a Dunmer man in blue replica Dwarven armour replied.

Dummy charges into the clearing, causing the two run away screaming. The two manage to get to Riften's gates, but Dummy tackles them and pins them to the ground. Two men in purple suits throw them in a van driven by Dummy. The two men put chloroform on their noses, knocking them out. Hours later, a bucket of water is thrown at the two.

"Five minutes mom!" Marcus whined. "Where are we?" Drake wondered. "We're on a yacht in Atmora, coldest place imaginable." Conrad replied, wearing a thick fur parka. "All you Nords are all about honour. I'm a nice guy, so you'll die in your ancestor's homeland and all that." Conrad said mockingly. "W-w-what about me? I'm n-not a Nord!" Marcus pleaded while shuddering. "We need to get rid of witnesses, too." Conrad threatened. Two Nords in parkas drag Drake and Marcus to the snowy ground. "With you gone, nothing will stop us!" Conrad boasted. Suddenly, the ground rumbles as lights shine over the mountains.

Everyone turns to the light to see the Akulakhan falling face-first, followed by an equally-sized Frost Atronach. "What is that?!" Conrad said in panic. "Over here!" Drake yelled to the Akulakhan. A hatch on the right shoe opens and Drachen, clad in Dwarven armour and wielding a Dwemer sniper rifle, emerges. He shoots the goons and shoot the bindings off Drake and Marcus before re-entering the Akulakhan and resuming the fight.

Drake and Marcus find Conrad hiding in a barrel on his yacht. "Hey, great weather we're having!" Conrad shuddered. "This is the worst thing you've ever done since that time when I was 9 and you stole my sweetroll that grandma gave me!" Drake yelled angrily as he grabbed Conrad by his collar. Conrad conjures another mannequin but it is quickly pushed in the freezing water by Marcus. Drake grabs a bag of long zip ties and wraps them around Conrad.

"That's what you get for messing with me for the eleventeenth time!" Drake scolded. Marcus starts the boat and they leave Atmora as small icebergs fall from the sky. They arrive at Solitude Docks where the police and an elderly Nord woman wearing hair curlers and a blue bathrobe wait. They disembark and hand Conrad to the police. "Conrad Ericsson Tullius, what did I tell you about gangs?!" the woman scolded Conrad.

"Mom, you can't tell me what to do!" Conrad rebelled. "Wait until your father hears about this!" she scolded again. Conrad and his mother enter a while limousine and drive off as Drake waves.

THE END


End file.
